Atlantic City - House of Blues Part 1: "The Way Down"

I was still Bouncing off of Clouds the day after Obama won the election. Say it – say it – President Obama! I was so happy I was off to spend the weekend with friends to celebrate the best way possible – all of us together going to Nails Shows! And god damn was it an epic weekend – so here goes about 900 epic posts from Atlantic City – New Hampshire and Worchester.


I ran off and caught the train. I was playing music it was nice and mellow.

Die Tonight Live Forever.

The song I’d had stuck in my head the whole night as Obama was winning the election as I packed. The song that raged in me when I ran outside on fire from everything that was happening at that moment – the song that will forever remind me of this unbelievable week:

“We're all here 'cos we've lost control
We're all here 'cos we've lost control

If we all should die tonight
We will have no regrets
If we all should die tonight
We will have no regrets

If this night should take my life
We can’t go back! we cant go-
If we all should die tonight
we can’t go back! we cant go-”

We can’t go Back! We won’t!!! It’s over – the past is over!!! We’ve retaken this country! And now we’ll all be together --

Off the train - I stopped up at my brother’s apartment, I played with my 3 and year old nephews, who proceeded to beat the ever living shit out of me and peg me with soccer balls. You’re no idea how brutal that little 3 year old is! Then Jen called just as the wee one busted out his Indiana Jones costume – including the whip. Lil Jacky then used the whip – not so much to whip me, which would have been fine since it was a soft child’s toy that made sound effects – but rather to hold onto while he punched me with the plastic sound effect making part. So I’m dodging him, trying to dodge the barrage of soccer balls coming directly at my head from his older brother while Jen is on the other line confirming I would be there to meet her…. You know how we all get extra nervous over such things…

So I said good-bye to the boys and I headed off to meet Jen. It was raining and getting late so we took a cab to Port Authority to catch our bus to Atlantic City where Jonathan was already waiting for us. Traffic was a bitch and Jen was getting nervous…Bus left at 5. We got to Port Authority around 4:30 all that remained was to find the bus – we were already tense. We went to Gate one some woman told us No – we had to go to gate 308 on the third floor. So we run up there getting more tense – get there- no Mega Bus. So we ask someone else. The guy looks at us and says – “There’s no Mega Bus.”

What!?

“Yeah, you gotta go to 34th Street.” WTF!?! It’s 4:35 – we can make it 12 blocks and still have enough time to catch the bus! Now we’re frantic. We run down stairs to ask a third opinion. No one knows. Running around to find a way out – Jen exclaims, “If we can’t find it I’m just getting a Greyhound I don’t care!” Running – frantic – hot – sweating bullets – where did we come in – Jen suddenly spots a sign that says Academy. Wait – they’re associated with Mega Bus. We ask them – oh yeah – go to Gate 1 – like we were going to in the first place!!!!


So we run back there already in full on panic mode haven’t even left New York. We’re both beat red freaking out laughing – “Why is it always fucking like this when we have to go see him – Damn it Trent!” We laugh and laugh and get our tickets. Still a little on edge - our handshake as we take the tickets back – and just as this is happening some guy…he’s a little off, a little three sheets to the wind, nice enough – but gets in my face and says sweetly – “You have glitter on your face!” Yes I do. I smile and say politely. “How does it stay on!?” he persists. I shrug and smile – I donno! I say. It’s New York, we’re used to such exchanges – but she and I are too on edge to talk to anyone at that point so we line up for the buss and fan ourselves with the papers trying to calm down.

“Damn it’s hot “ “Why’s it so hot?” “I thought it would be so cold this weekend…”


We bemoaned TR some more and the fact that we’re actually going back to Atlantic City after the last fiasco of a show Nails played there. We’re laughed and all of a sudden from behind us yells the guy – very loudly – “DRIVER DRIVER! WHERE’S THE DRIVER!? IT’S 5 O CLOCK – HE ISN’T ON THE BUS”

Thus begins Jen and I in situations desperately wanting to laugh but having to hold it back. Total fifth grade someone acts up in class and all you want to do is laugh but you can’t because the teacher is a cunt and you’ll get in trouble too – so you sit there holding it in and it only makes it funnier and harder not to laugh. We’re dying.

We get on the buss and talking to each other quietly wonder where we get off – the woman in the front seat jumps in – she has way too much information on the goings of Atlantic City travel. She’s sitting a seat in front of us across the aisle drinking from a Dunkin Donuts cup something that is clearly not Coffee, and speaks in a voice that has smoked far too many cigarettes. It’s kind of sad – it’s a rainy Wednesday night and all these people are on their way to gamble.


And then there were those crazy 2 girls in the front seat. We’re watching videos for the first half hour or so, and in the course of conversation quote Closure to each other with disturbing accuracy. We have to laugh. Now we’re two teenage girls giggling in the front seat. Mostly we laugh about how crazy we are.


We laugh a lot. I tell her at one point about my two new friends Kayla and Tess, and how cute they are. How nice it is to see how excited they are about going to shows – about hearing music. They’ve only done 2 shows – neither of which involved Pre-Sale line situations, they’re innocent and still talk about the music and only the music with such pure enthusiasm. Jen and I on the other hand – we know far too much about Line Situations, hence the two of us on a buss the night before the show in the pouring to get to Atlantic City. Honestly – can any fan who attended that first show eve read or say the words Atlantic City with out an overwhelming sense of dread and dismay? Certainly not Jen and I. House of Fucking Shit. Why is he playing there again? He hated it last time.
.

And there it is again. Jen and I know too much. Kayla and Tess on that buss would have talked about March of The Pigs and maybe that TR is a good-looking guy – Jen and I – we know way too much. We are not so innocent – so we have to talk about everyone we know and situations involving people we know from shows, players from the past things like that. Not all of it bad even – just, you know how it is when the outside has taken over goings on with the band. Still, lots of laughs.


And then the bus stopped. Jen said quietly to me – “are we here?” “No you have an hour left” a guy getting off says. We crack up as his jumping in. Seconds later, she says practically whispering under her breath to me – “where are we even?” Another guy passing – somehow hears her – and fucking jumps in. And as if it’s happening again with a different guy wasn’t funny enough he tells us “You’re in Cheesequake.”


Cheesequake.


CHEESEQUAKE!!!! We’re dying laughing holding it is as best we can but what could we do – we were in Cheesequake!! Only one thing to do.


Fucking text the others!


“We’re in CHEESEQUAKE!” Oh life, and how it changes when you know you can share it all with texts, blogs and myspace. Quick get out the camera – that guy is being weird again!

So the guy who earlier was talking about my glitter comes up to the front asking for the driver – the woman with the coffee cup that isn’t quite coffee does something ridiculous I can’t remember. All I remember is trying to hard not to laugh while Jen tries desperately to take photos with out her flash being obvious. I’m laughing too hard – Jen stop Jen Stop. Oh it hurts.


Back on the road, lights go off we go back to gossiping. Trying to talk about something. Be it Erin’s awesome sign, or Lucas driving frantically to another show in the rain or saying to each other “The two guys who make the decisions, which are he and me – are not aware until Right Now –“

That guy stands up at the front of the buss – right beside us and yells –
“Driver! Driver!” Picture a very loud Jerry Lee Lewis as a little kid tattling on a schoolmate. . “Drrriiiiiver!” There’s somebody in the Bathroom - and he’s smoking!!!”

Now – you have to picture – he doesn’t quite say Bathroom. Its more like – “BEEAAY – troom.” And he just keeps saying it over and over. Jen and I are in absolute agony trying not to laugh. I can’t breath it hurts and you can’t laugh! But this is actually happening. And every time he says “BEEAAY – troom” it’s that much funnier!

“Driver! There’s a guy – and he’s smoking in the BEEAAY – troom! And you can’t some in the BEEAAY – troom! But he’s smoking in the BEEAAY – troom and there’s so much smoke back there!”

And then the driver is telling him to stop, he yells at him to sit down. “I’m not here to baby-sit” he yells. Then he yells at the guy smoking to stop – and what he sys, - Jen and I are squirming in the seats just beside ourselves – and as if it wasn’t bad enough – he gets on the loud speaker and says it again!

“Who ever’s smoking back there” and mind you it’s in a really thick New York accent – “Who evah’s back the’y smoking – I’ll pull this buss ovah, and the state troopah is going to arrest you!” He actually says – Don’t make me pull this buss over!

Oh dear lord. We laugh and laugh as best we can silently, get it out of our systems and are about to return to giddy gossip – and he comes back! Can I sit up here?” There’s only one seat left up front – next to the woman drinking coffee that isn’t coffee.

No no this can’t possibly get any more insane but it does. She yells at him he can’t sit down. He argues with her. He yells back - there’s too much smoke and he isn’t sitting in the back and getting sick – then she yells to him in her gravelly voice – “Sit down and Shut Up! You’re wore then the guy smoking!”

Biting my fist at this point. Oh god Jen – we gotta get offa this buss! I know! Damn rain – making more traffic.


Traffic rain. Windshield wipers so loud and pervasive, sounding like a damn industrial riff from old school Nails…WTF is with this buss ride. Paranoia. Jen he hates me. Jen laughs and reminds me of every past incident to convince me that’s not true. In my heart I know now… Still why do I let stupidity get to me?

Laughing again – “Dead souls should be super Mooody” “No no you have to say it like Meeooody.” Like it’s not “Guate – MOLA,” it’s more like – Guate- Maaawwwla.” Seeeeooooper Meeoody, and Help me I’m in Hell should be – yeeoor just wotching a light sheoow.” (By the way, totally not making fun. Personally, certain words in New York pronounced with out Rs are like nails on Chalk Board. I’d take his accent any day.) “I’m beyond irritable right now. Verging on Really, Really mad.”



Jen laughs again at how well we can both quote Closure – now all of a sudden – the woman across the way from us who has been silent this entire time – just starts singing! Singing – loudly this horrible cat like screech! There are no words. Jen – YouTube that shit if you can.

So yeah, she’s filming my stomach is killing me I can’t laugh – we’re ten minutes away – Jesus fucking Christ this buss ride can’t end soon enough.



It does. But now of course, we’re in Atlantic City. Don’t let Pseudo Greece fool you.

It’s raining. It’s really sketchy and just – creepy. Beyond depressing. All these sad old people just sitting in a decaying casino. “Carol, stay close to me!” Jen says – “Believe me – that’s my only intention right now.” We walk around Creasers – flashing lights people dying loud music and people crowd together in a glass box to smoke in a nearly vacant casino. We’re both feeling bad, and want to get out. Two girls wandering around lost and alone. We would not feel safe until they get to the hotel and find Jonathan.

We finally figure out how to get from Creasers to the Showboat. We run to a buss, I don’t know what Jen saw but all she would say the whole ride was “Carol I’m scared.” She wouldn’t move from her seat and even wouldn’t let me move one seat over from her to look out the window and see where we were. Jen is far braver then I will ever be, so I can only imagine. But we both spot the Show Boat and jump out. We race for the door - a monsoon of rain rushes up from no where – we both scream – suddenly the door opens – and we see the most wonderful thing in the world!


JONATHAN!!! Our savior! Boy was he a sight for soar eyes – huge fucking wave of relief. We laugh and brief him on the buss ride as we walk to the room so we could finally feel at peace. I can’t tell you how happy we were to finally see Jonathan.


-Almost as happy as when we all saw this!


This may have been the greatest site of them all! Especially after that whole Riot With No Coffee at Voodoo Fest Fiasco!


No I was REALLY happy to see Starbucks. Coffee comes before Nails even. OK, so maybe I that’s a stretch. maybe… either way, I was in a DAMN good mood – we all were!


And then we saw our awesome fucking room! We were so excited! Go Jonathan – he totally hooked us up with a free room!!! See – he was so our hero that night!!!


And then I had to cal Pam, who still didn’t know if she would be making it the next day. Didn’t know if she was going to a Nails show – and she’s not a casual fan – trust me. She’s as hard-core as they come – but doesn’t know yet. Only Pam. She rambles something about not having a ride home and teaching the next day. We have a car with 5 people, were it my car I’d say yes, but the others – Jen seems to think Lucas will be cool with it. She and Jonathan are. See – all of them angels.

Now – I love Pam – but, Pam on the phone…one non-sequiter after another. We’d just gotten in and we all wanted to go out and find food. “OK Pam, well we’re gonna go but I’ll call you when I know if we can give you a ride, OK?” Five minutes later. “OK Pam so I’m gonna go. and – Oh…oh yeah? That’s funny. Oh that’s funny…..” Jen gestures to me – WTF? I gesture back I don’t fucking know. I pass the phone off to Jen so she can listen, then to Jonathan. We all laugh. I take the phone back. Five minutes after that. OK so I’m gonna run ‘cuz I have to use the little girls room and we all need to go get food. “OK cool she says – “

No kidding – she goes off again. –“PAM!!! I have to fucking pee! Jesus Christ!” OK OK. Then three minutes after that I finally got her off the phone. Really I love Pam – I do. So I go use our swank bathroom and I’m happy because I’m fairly confident Lucas we’ll take her and we will all be together.


On our way to find food – we walk past the venue – just to see it. You know how it is. Jen and everyone from nin.com have been really great at organizing the lines as of late. Signs for Pre-Sale and GA lines were already clearly marked the day before. But The House of Blues it seems…put up their own sign…


Yeah - that’s likely. Not in our family! Nails fans waiting till 4PM to show up – who ever heard of such a thing? Well – me but that was with some other band with the same name I back in ’94…. Different lead singer – crazy with long hair and cornstarch – Totally fan base but I digress…


Back to a more recent past. Atlantic City Nine Inch Nails With_Teeth 2006. People lined up at 1 am – having driven straight from Amherst still soaked in sweat collapsing on the floor beyond exhausted. I remember Ken’s eyes most of all – completely bloodshot beyond anything I have ever seen. The venue would not let them SIT let alone sleep. And the Line Drama that followed! People crushed to the front of the line – we were in a pit situation from 3pm till they let us in. Brandi crying out in vain for people to back up – Anarchy.

Smoke setting off the alarms the hours to wait while the FIRE DEPARTMENT came! TR ranting about “The House of Fucking Shit” and the bad parking and the smoke situation.

The pit – the heat – people passing out – the HORROR of Atlantic City 2006-

And still we came back. What the hell is wrong with us?


We took more goofy photos. We were all a little sad because we were not pre-sale. We’d all be together – that’s all that mattered to me. Atlantic City is all about hell – and going through it with friends – that’s how it was last time – this would be no different. I was ready for it. We knew we would not have rail. We have had rail many times and would have it again.

Still – we were going to wait out. As Jen put it perfectly in an e-mail a few days earlier, “It’s all part of the fun/torture.” I love it. I’ve been saying the same thing for years, finally this crew understands. These ridiculous situations are what bind us. The weekend had barely even begun – and already with that buss ride I’d laughed harder than I had in months. God I love this.

We pass the beach – the waves are just deadly. Jen screams out she sees a woman and her child. “What is she thinking?!?!” Then she realizes it’s a woman and an older man – “Oh no – it’s her HUSBAND and she’s trying to kill him for the money!” We all bust up laughing as we switch from the Show Boat to the Taj Mahal.


And then we see this. I know I don’t have to explain why this is the fucking most insane hysterical thing. Like – this sign actually exists. There is just no end to it.


So they find the only thing open is Sabarro. Being the casino it’s insanely expensive. It’s a tough decision for them to spend so much on pizza but it is the only option. They get some pizza – and you know me, I had Iced Coffee and a Cliff Bar.


So we’re talking about the weekend. How we’re all not ready. Its true, this leg of shows came up so quick. Fuck at that point we hadn’t even decided when we would start waiting out…


We all sat down outside the venue. 10:45, no one was there. We discussed when to wait out at length. Finally one of us voice what we were all thinking. “You guys, we’re here, you know that’s it. We’re already waiting.” We were. So…that was it. It was decided I would have the first sleep shift of four hours, while Jen and Jonathan waited up. I sat alone for a few minutes while they went to get soda.

I stared at the floor. Pretty Patterns….no insane – hypnotic patterns everywhere. The most schizophrenic play list blasts over the speakers. One minute – crazy pop songs then a decent one – five more pop songs and then – Fucking Benny and the Jets. Like actually.

“Say, Candy and Ronnie, have you seen them yet
But they're so spaced out, Bennie and the Jets
Oh but they're weird and they're wonderful
Oh Bennie she's really keen
She's got electric boots a mohair suit
You know I read it in a magazine
Bennie and the Jets

Bennie. Bennie Bennie and The Jets…” No no no…this is n’t real at all.

After that – Ceremony. New Order!!! WTF?!?! I think of Marie Antoinette with Kirsten Dunst. All the wonderful dresses and that scene with the masquerade ball. And now all I want is to be in my dress with my mask running around this insane floor – but that won’t happen until tomorrow…. When should I put it on? When do I put my make up on? Fuck I forgot to do my nails. Stupid Riot Stress compounded with Nails Stress – just be thankful you don’t have that to deal with!!


Random video loops. Tripping me out…Tori Amos clips remixed in with other clips…She’s so beautiful and pretty – her smile and they way she dances with that snake. I wish I could be like her… Her smile look at her – the way she dances….woman steps into a bathtub, a child runs…. Oh yeah…I’m falling asleep.

I wait alone. I look at the presale line. A pang that we are first but we are not first hits me but immediately it comes back to me. 2001 – 2004. I was dead and completely alone. Certainly never thought I’d see nails again – let alone have such amazing people to do it with. I’m so happy I’m seeing them at all. Jesus Christ I still think this is a dream I’m having in my studio – making art about Nails when all feeling had gone out of me. Fragility, Nails, Trent – everything had become a distant memory. Everything was clinical and forced…

But that time in my life is the distant past. I’m not alone with this anymore.

Jen and Jonathan return. They send me to the room to sleep. I put out my dress and my make up. I close the curtains sealing off the lights of Atlantic City. So that’s it. I’m going to sleep – and the line is already happening, and someone else is waiting for me… But we’re not even going to be first so….weird feeling. And perhaps why sleep was so difficult to stay in… drifting off… I have 2 hours left to sleep and that’s it…

“Nothing's too excessive-
When you've got nothing left!

We're all here 'cos we've lost control!
We're all here 'cos we've lost control!”

-Tomorrow – part 2