LA Forum Part 2: The Show-Nothing has Changed, Everything has Changed.

Oh My –


-Fucking GOD!


Aww he’s got the Red Shirt on again – Oh Jen!


Of courseI immediately think of JEn and wish she could be with us so she could finally get to see The Red Shirt.


Hahahha!

Don't you miss it, don't you miss it.
Some 'a you people just about missed it!

Let me zoom that shit in because I almost missed it. Oh I saw it in real life – I tried to get take photo, – I just didn’t realize I’d gotten a photo of it – in progress!!


Rob – Takin a pic – drinkin a Sugar-Free Red Bull --- At the same time! Like, actually. I can’t tell you why this is so fucking funny – but I’m going to try. In an earlier post, I think I mentioned how I write things, then they happen in real life.

The last thing I wrote before I left for this set of shows was about a show that would have taken place during my character’s equivalent of the Fragility tour. The Character based on Rob, as Rob had in real life, was backstage one night - drinking a Red Bull. In real life - that being the first time I’d ever seen anyone drink the shit.

So, I’d just written this whole long thing about his Character drinking the shit, because as the story progresses, there’s this whole sub-plot about the girls (and his Char) all drinking and eating everything sugar free and what not (my chars have my food issues - it’s funny.) So yeah, I’d just written that, you know so that when I got up to the present day part of the story I could make this whole huge thing about his Char being all on the sugar free version, and then Rob had do go and do it in my face, like while he’s taking a photo. Like, actually. Now don’t tell him I wrote all that. God if he knew what his character was like he’d kick my ass.

Anyways totally makes sense I mean, you write about people based on the same set of principles so their real life counterparts doing the same shit is to be expected. No. Like, the kid is all drinkin Red Bull, like all nonchalant while he’s photographing the show, that’s like – funny as hell.


OK so fuck Rob lets go back to Trent.


Trent during closer.




Vessel.








Ghosts.


He’s kneeling. Just like I was in the parking lot earlier…. Only I don’t think he asks the gods or whatever exists to watch over and protect the fans and his crew. Not that I would do that……


I have ranted about this before….him on Xylophone is the most underrated thing of the tour. You can’t say enough good about his limitless musical ability.


All right – come on – where are you!? Come out come out – I’m going to get you this time. I see you I see you come over here!!! I’m gonna catch you!!!


Get outa my shot Rob!!


Damn it Rob – Get outa my fucking shot!!!


THERE you are!!! Gotcha!


The infamous Bush McCain morph. I kept trying to get a good pic but -


-Rob for the last time – get the fuck out of my shot!

No really, I love Rob…


Head Like a Hole


In the glow of the logo…


Corona Radiata plays. Could we possibly be any happier Abby?


Echoplex!


I caught you with your eyes open!


I love it.
You will never, ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever…..


He thanked his band, he thanked his crew, he thanked the audience he he he I don’t know.

I don’t know I don’t know - he launches into Reptile

What just happened?

What Just happened?

What Just happened?


Holy FUCK its Reptile!!! Marie holds my hand; Abby has her hand on my shoulder. Abby says it. I can’t move or speak or look up. I want to throw myself on the floor. Once again, I am just – so profoundly grateful, to be surrounded by my friends…my sisters… and I still can’t.

Fucking Reptile.


Of course I cried through Hurt,


and In This Twilight...


and the band dying off...


I could not bear to watch him play Zero Sum alone. watching him as he left and yet, I was, so at peace with everything. A show had ended, a had ended. But only a show, only a tour - not the world. Everyone is still here. This life, this thing is still happening.. – Jen comes - This is private between them, so I run off…


Dear god let none of them see me. Finally I collapse on the floor, as I have needed to for quite sometime. The others, I know they are here, don’t see me. Please, don't see me. Every time I try to stand, I can’t. I see one of them, she is beautiful. She stands well dressed and dignified, dry from having not watched the show from the pit. She hung back like a lady and now with her after show pass, walks with grace across the floor to join the others. Don’t see me. I lay drenched and crying, weak on the floor from it. I am happy for her – and yet I could not be happier, for why I am here…. even had that not caused this, my place is on the floor crying, as always it has been.

Fucking they played Reptile…

Abby comes back and helps me up – doesn’t matter, I keep falling and she keeps talking about it and laughing.


We start to walk out. We walk through the tunnel where just hours earlier we all nearly killed the venue staff when they – what just happened what just happened. Abby keeps pointing things out. I keep falling, I barely even remember walking out – where’s Sarah where is Sarah I have to find her oh god I’ll text her later I’m not even coherent now anyway…we near the car Abby points out something else I fall again.

All five girls who with that song understand get into a car – all five girls watching the video. Stunned. That didn’t happen – how could that have happened!? We must never speak of this again….

They fucking played Reptile. Did you see the Diva one that? Did you see TR?

What just happened?

We drive to the hotels, and we say good bye to the French Contingency…I will drive them to the airport before dawn so I will see them again soon. Back at the room with my one regret…and I say goodbye to Abby. Anna sits with me and says the most beautiful things. I pack – and I go to sleep – I have never slept so peacefully in my life…I have ever since.

I love everyone. What I realized in the desert was only backed up by this show – all because of everyone whom I do this with. You are my family – you all make going to shows the amazing thing that it is. I’m rambling I know – but words aren’t enough. I’ll never be able to tell all of you how much you mean to me. I’d tell him the same, but he is not here…can’t hear me. I wish I could thank him, cuz I can’t thank him enough. These last two weeks, this tour – this entire year – has been-

-No wait...

Did ANY of that ever REALLY happen?