The Plague

My people, (and by that, I mean the fans, and extend it to include crew, band and even Rock Star himself). But I digress. My people have a lot of random in jokes. One such joke, started as a catchy little phrase, but went on to become a very real pain in the ass.

The phenomenon became known as “The Celestial Death Flu”. This illness began to afflict concertgoers early last fall on the East Coast led of the Fall Tour. It would manifest itself in the form of a minor cold, but could evolved into severe flu like symptoms. Nearly 30% of fans returning home from shows reported some form of the illness.

The infamous long-term fan – PhotoMayhemWendy, went on to coin the term “Celestial Death Flu”, and wrote a dissertation on the epidemic, and later went on to host a formal debate on the subject in the Emerald Hall.

Now last fall most people, myself included - dismissed the illness, attributing the phenomenon to unseasonable warm weather and rapid odd fuck changes in temperature. Other potential causes were believed to have been caused by normal flu bugs that tend to circulate around that time of the year. Many believed that the densely packed, hot sweaty, gross cease pools of mosh pits could also helped to spread germs and disease. Or the other highly likely explanation, that all those factors combined were the cause of such a wide spread outbreak.

But no, where I come from, My People, we like to blame everything on Rock Star. So, despite common sense, it went on to be known as the “Celestial Death Flu”.

The Fall Tour quickly became The Winter Tour. “The Celestial Death Flu”, had not gone away, in fact it had gotten worse. Reports of the disease were now as far reaching as California and Canada. Something like 65% of fans now reported post show illness, and the symptoms were getting worse at all. Fans who once called PhotoMayehmWendy a quack were now forced to eat their own words. The Band finally called for a formal investigation.




The findings were chilling, “The Celestial Death Flu”, was very real. Strains of the viral infection were tested and found to be caused by the same evil bio entity, and it was evolving quickly. Who ever had created this bug, was now allowing it to take out fans left and right. Things finally reached fever pitch in Amherst.



The Creature known as – The Plague was first spotted crossing a field by Status Gard member, Machine Gunner. He, Machine Gunner that is, did not attempt to kill the enemy; instead, it breached security, and entered Celestial’s Bed Chamber – where it proceeded to inflict him with “The Celestial Death Flu!”



Mother Fucker! I myself took up watch around 5:30 a.m. the next morning; I too had been suffering from the Death Flu, though I would not admit it. I just told everyone it was a sinus infection. Fuck that. I wasn’t going to let a little snot or excruciating pain keep me from kicking ass and having a good time.

Celestial, however, was quite another story. The Plague hit him hard. And although he tired to play the show with an enchanted scarf, said to contain mystic healing powers, it was no use. Three shows had to be canceled. It totally sucked.


(The scarf containted threads cut from Jason's Golden Fleece.)

So, now we gotta pop antibiotics and stay in bed in the days follwoing shows. Which, given my people, pill popping, and not getting out of bed aren't exactly the most disagreable things. Especially when someone's in bed with ya - so it ain't all bad!