Rock Star Thanksgiving: The 2006 Rerun

ReRun Blog!

What? Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm having a tough time updating this week due to...some "things". I also realize I'm a bit late...due to the same "things" but I wanted to Re-Post some of my past Rock Star Thanksgiving Post. In them I cook and do all sorts of silly stuff. I thouhgt, we could all have some laughs and since the recipes totally work for Christmas as well, I thought I would share. I may have no confidence in my sewing skillz - but I can cook like nobody's business!!!

But before you read and get confused, let me explain the names changes and such.

You see, when I first started writing this Blog- it was inside jokes between me and a few of my friends in the art world. So basically these were written in character, using all the names of the characters in my books. When I first started showing with a gallery, I had a thing that I did not want discuss - at art world functions - the source of my inspiration. A lot has changed since then, and while I still feel a little weird explaining it to art people - I think everyone reading this knows who I am referring to.

So - now that we know this is a cute lil inside joke, everyone have fun reading it. I really like Thanksgiving and I loved writing these - And like I said, there's a lot of fun recipes you should all totally try!!! (Some Rock Star/Artist I make in real life eh? I cook and I sew!!)


Rock Star Thanksgiving - 2006


Thanksgiving around here raises a few interesting questions. For example, what exactly does a band and a small army of its fans living in a secluded estate do for Thanksgiving? Well kids, we do the same thing everyone else does – eat food and drink alcohol when the family (or in our case other fans) gets on our nerves!

Of course, there’s no catering when we’re not on tour, so somebody’s gotta cook. Guess who cooked dinner for everyone! Yeah that’s right me. So, I thought, I would share some of my recipes. Here’s my special recipe for cornbread that I totally made up.

Stuffing

Serves 24
2 1 8-inch pan of cornbread. Cut into cubes.
18 slices of hearth bread, cubed
5 stalks celery, sliced
2 yellow onions, finely chopped
2 cups dried cranberries
20 apple rings, chopped
1 jar (14.8 oz.) French chestnuts
6 Tbs. chopped fresh sage
6 Tbs. chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
3 bay leafs
2 tsp dried thyme
Salt, to taste
Ground pepper, to taste
2 cups chicken or vegetable broth
1 more cup

The day before Thanksgiving:
While you cook, go for a marathon of Daniel Bolye movies “28 Days Later” & “The Beach” are great Thanksgiving Classics. Plus “The Beach” has one of the coolest end titles sequences of all time. Cut up the bread around noon into 1-inch cubes. Put all the bread into a basket and cover it loosely with paper towels. Impress your family by showing them the deserted shots of London and learn some new foreign terms. For example “Budgens” = British super market.



That Selnea's awsome!

The day of Thanksgiving:
By now, you should be watching the parade, and playing your own music, because three minutes in you will have remembered how much you hate the hokey show tunes. I recommend David Bowie’s live BBC performance, and “Season Song” by Blue States (You’ll remember this as the closing theme from “28 Days Later”)



Chop up the onions and the celery. Melt 4 tablespoons butter in a large skillet over medium-low heat. Or screw the butter and just use Pam. Add onion and celery. Cook until vegetables until they smell nice and are pretty golden brown. Put them into a small Tupperware in the fridge for later.

Spread cornbread and hearth bread on a cookie sheet and bake until its brown and crunchy, this should take a half hour. While you wait - Watch some fun floats and do a little dance to the time honored classic Thanksgiving tune – “Bella Lugosi’s Dead” by Bauhaus (Though, I highly recommend the version that features TV on The Radio, Trent Reznor and Uncle Peter Murphy). One the bread is cooked, return it to the basket with the paper towels and be careful not to drop the crumbs on the nice clean floor. “Oh! Bella! I’m dead I’m dead I’m dead!”

Now mix together the cranberries and all the dried herbs. Mix that up, put it in a Tupperware and set it aside.

Almost dinnertime. By now you should be good and toasted from the Wassail (see recipe). If not, hurry up and chug! Get a small saucepan and heat 2 cups of broth. Once it gets warm, and the celery and onion mix. Do your best to ignore family members (or in my case groupies) who by now will surely be pestering you as to how long it will be until dinner. No matter what tell them a half hour! (Although you and I well know it will be a lot closer to 2 hours!) Stir the onions a while and switch to the cranberry cocktail. It’ll hit you quicker. Now add the cranberry and seasonings mix to the stock. Let that simmer on the lowest heat on the back burner a while.



Have other family members (or in my case band members) deal with the turkey. Cut up 2 granny smith apples and don’t worry about being precise or “slow” when doing so. Add the apples to a big pot. Then add the chestnuts. Now very carefully put all the bread chunks into the pot and stir the mix.

As soon as the Turkey is out, and the oven is free - Add one more cup of broth directly to the dry mix and very quickly add the shit from the stove. Mix that well. Put all the stuffing into a big ‘ol foil pan or something and bake it in a 350°F oven for 30 minutes, or until brown and crispy.



Riot’s Helpful Thanksgiving Tip

Don’t let Stupid NBC try to trick you. After the parade is over, they will lie to you and tell you that the Westminster pussy cunt Dog show is a Holiday tradition, which as we all know is complete and total bullshit. Anyone who was born within the over 3 years ago knows damn well the only holiday traditional thing to watch after the parade is “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Heehaw - come on now. Dog show my ass. There’s nothing like a bunch of leather clad industrial rockers and their fans getting all weepy over Jimmy Stewart hollerin' about his bleeding lip to put you in the holiday spirit. “Mary! Mary! AW KIDS!!!” Yeah, that’s right, Papa Celeste.

So while you’re getting out the Bauhaus burnt Cds from Sa Lews, don’t forget to bring down the Special Edition DVD of “It’s a Wonderful Life”, and pop that in after Santa makes his Grand Entrance on Herald Square. Santa – now there’s one Crazy Diva Rock Star. (Don’t worry Papa Celeste; you’ll always be our favorite. Santa can’t bring us what we really want for Christmas anyways; only you and your blessed pre-sales can do that!)

Thanksgiving Part 2:



Here’s a few more Rock Star Thanksgiving recipes that I totally made up from various sources. It’s pretty sad, between my sewing and now my cooking – I’ve become some weird groupie version of Martha Stewart or something.

Caramel Apple Sauce


3 Granny Smith Apples
4 Red and Delicious Apples
1/2 a pack of Caramel Apple dip stuff
1 cinnamon stick
1/4 cup of dark brown sugar
Up to 1/2 cup of white sugar
1 cup of water
1/2 teaspoon of salt

Put all ingredients into a large pot. Cover. Bring to boil. Lower heat and simmer for 20-30 minutes and remove from heat. Remove cinnamon stick. Mash with potato masher. Unless you’re like stupid Rock Star and don’t own one – Resorting to a fork will suck big time, but it will work eventually. Simmer that a bit more then store it.




Broccoli, Cauliflower & Random Peas

Lots of Broccoli
Lots of Cauliflower
Peas
Pam or Faux butter
PAPRIKA!

Around 1 am the night before Thanksgiving – Put on Letterman – its Thanksgiving Tradition! He will make reference to the infamous Richard Simmons appearance – Prank Call the Butterball hotline – And he’ll have Rupert help a guest throw a turkey of the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater into a Vat of Gravy on 54th Street!!!!!!

Cut and clean all the broccoli & green beans tonight. Trust me you’ll be too tired in a few hours to be using sharp objects. Put the pre-cut veggies into Tupperware’s and into the fridge. Now tomorrow you’ll feel like Martha Stewart with pre-made ingredients!!

In the morning, after lots of coffee, and making the carrots (see below) Pam some frying pans. Simmer the green beans in a bit of water. Pam another pan – simmer the cauliflower. Ok guess what, Pam a pan, simmer the peas. Once the water is gone – Sauté the veggies. Add PAPRIKA! To each veggie then transfer all that into a big pot mix it up. Now take that put it in a Tupper ware and save it for later.


Maple Carrots

Serves 4–5
• 25 baby carrots, peeled,
• 1/4-cup water
• 2 TB maple syrup
• Dash of salt
Ground Cloves
Ground Ginger
1/4 cup of flour
1/4 cup of brown sugar

Ok, on Thanksgiving Day, get up at like 5 am. Seriously. Dude, that’s why they make coffee, Watch some Modonna concerts while you have coffee. Her butt looks great at any hour of the morning. So, once you have coffee, make carrots, it’s the easiest one to do when you’re tired. Put on some music and do the little dance from the Confessions tour. No one else is up anyway so no one will laugh.



Boil water. While the water boils, put the carrots in big bowl. Fuck what the recipe says - Dump half a thing of Maple syrup onto the carrots. Add the rest of the ingredients. The water should be boiling now – if not – Madonna goofy dance. Add the carrots let them simmer a while. Cook until most of liquid evaporates, stirring frequently, approximately 8 minutes. Keep stirring them and add more of any ingredient you feel necessary. Uncover, stir, and cook one more minute.

Whew!! By now the carrots should be done– quit screwing around with the carrots and the Madonna dance and get to the Broccoli!


Green Bean & Water Chestnuts

INGREDIENTS
2 bags of fresh green beans, trimmed
3 (8 ounce) can sliced water chestnuts, drained
2 cups of sliced fresh mushrooms
1 can of Amy’s Cream of Mushroom Soup
1/4-teaspoon pepper
1/8-teaspoon salt

DIRECTIONS

Actually, my bad. You’re gonna make this the night before when David Letterman is on. By the time you finish this and get to cutting the other stuff, Craig Fergusson will be on talking about Naughty little Dunkeys.



Pam 3 frying pans. Simmer the green beans in a wee bit of water. Do the same for the shrooms and the water chestnuts. Sauté everything a bit, then combine everything into a big pot. Now Add the can of Amy’s Soup = and make sure it’s Amys – don’t be lame and get Campbell’s! Leave that over a low heat – just make sure you don’t miss the big Turkey Drop off the Ed Sullivan Theater! It’s freakin awesome every time!



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Back to 2008

Woo Hoo! So That was Re-run '06 I hope everyone enjoyed it. Now remember that was all a joke. The only Rock Stars I actually live with are my nephews! And again, I apologize for the lack of more recent updates which include photos of actual Rock Star, but I'm still away an unable to upload new photos.

In the meantime - everyone stay tuned for Re-Run '07 very soon!