Six Days in Seattle - It was Six Days but they changed Everything.

So my first day back in Seattle was a quiet one, consumed mostly with catching up on sleep and taking it easy for a change! I slept a little late – although not before being woken up at 4:30 am by a phone call. Huh? I picked up the phone – half asleep and totally confused. It was Orbitz. Orbitz – oh yeah – the other flight! It was the call to tell me my flight was on time, but I wasn’t getting on it. Dear god what was I doing… Oh well. I slept in till about 9:30. I decided to be a good houseguest and clean Paul’s apartment for him whist he and Abby were at work. See – this is the Kitchen after I cleaned!

The other important thing to do was figure a way to Portland. With Abby not going, I would need a bus or to rent a car. I would also need to be back in Seattle for my second flight that left on the 8th. Given all that – the only option really was to rent a car, so I booked one. I was a little sad. The initial plan was for me to stay and hang out with Kayla and Tess for a few days, but renting a car for more then one day would have killed me. Renting it for one days wasn’t too good – but extra days once you add on the insurance would have been murder… I was sad – but at least I would see them the day of the show.


Paul came home from work, he and his brother and his friend Andrew kept playing this awesome game called Fall Out 3 I think. In it, they busted up zombies in a post apocalyptic setting while music from the 1940’s played – it was awesome.

After Abby got off from work, she picked me up and took me to the place where she practiced spinning on Monday nights. I met her friend Nina and another incredible fire dancer. Everyone taught each other what they knew. Seattle is amazing – I don’t know of anyplace else where on a Monday night in a school people meet up to learn to Juggle and spin fire in the same room.

I spent most of the night trying to learn what two days earlier had been impossible – turning. I kept screwing it up big time all night. I was awful and I thought I would never learn it. I kinda gave up a little and started screwing around – then Abby pointed it out. “I see you turning over there.” I was. So I worked on it a little more – and by the time we left – I sorta had it!


So then we went to this bar. All these amazing women were belly dancing. Abby and I were just blown over. You had to be there.


The next morning I was in Wayward Coffee. Again, you had to be there. The coffee – the place and the music that is playing was just – always insane. So after coffee, I went downtown, did a little early Christmas shopping then came back to do some laundry.


Had to clean out my dresses if there was to be another show. I had it all decided I would just wear the Mila one again. I liked to so much and Ghosts was too special for such an insane time… I wore it in LA and that night….


Doing Portland meant something else as well – I had to fix my necklace!


So, I found some wood glue while I was out, and left my girl to dry and hopefully be OK. Wood glue held my entire hard together, I fully trusted in its ability to hold up the necklace. Who knew – Brandi was right, it’s breaking “wasn’t an at all an omen!” The tour wasn’t over for me, and I was going to wear it again!


I dried all my clothes just as the boys came home and started playing my new favorite game. It’s really nice even just having them in the background playing it. It reminds me of being a wee little kid when my brothers lived at home and would play – Atari, Nintendo and yes even the ColecoVision. I was always so bad! Even with that orange gun right up at the screen I couldn’t hit those fucking ducks and that dog would jump up and laugh at me every time! But I loved watching my brothers play and cheer them on. When it was my turn they’d make fun of me – and they still do!


Later hat night Abby and I went out. I got to see her light up! She was AMAZING! I met her friend Matt who taught me a lot about spinning, and fuel and safety and all. Some of it I knew from the little research online that I’d done. But Matt is so knowledgeable it was really great to learn so much first hand from him.

After my crash course in putting out poi – we went up the street to this amazing house where more fire dancers were having their weekly potluck. That week’s theme was Naked Bacon. We were welcomed in – everyone in that house was wonderful – the house itself was beyond description. Think of ever Real World house from the early 90’s on MTV that you’d ever dreamed of living in – now amplify that and imagine that was actually your cute charming house decorated that way with this amazing porch and…. There are no words.

So – of course, people passed around a tray of bacon. There was a lot of talk about Burning Man, which Abby is planning to attend. Standing in that house, surrounded by that wonderful community of people – all of whom were artists, not because they had a gallery or a dealer of a resume behind them – but because they just were – and were supported by a whole community of artists, I said to Abby, “I think I see now why you are OK with leaving the band.”

I am happy for her, but being in that house reminded me of my own life – and how there is a part of me that will never be able to live that freely. It’s just not in my nature. I am far too rigid and need that work, always have. I’m not sad about it, its just how I am.


So the next day, speaking of rigid, I was getting back to my normal thing. I had coffee and drew in Wayward Coffee for a long while. It was insane. Edge of Seventeen actually came on the radio along with a whole host of other unbelievable songs.

On my way to Wayward, I was walking down the street practicing spinning poi. It’s hard to explain. In any other city – that would be weird, but I was in Seattle. Just as I was beginning to feel awkward, I walked into the coffee shop – got my coffee, then the woman behind the counter asked what it was that I’d put into my bag. I explained they were my friend’s practice poi. “That’s what I thought!” she said. She asked to see them – and she went off spinning – of course, because apparently, everyone in Seattle spins. She was great! She even taught me a whole bunch of things!


After coffee, I went to a little part up the block where I practiced my turns and a few of the new things the woman in the coffee shop had shown me.


I was a little scared and upset at first, because I thought I’d forgotten how to turn! But I broke it down and got it back! Yay! I was so excited! Then, just as I was screwing around – I learned the weave! I was shocked! But I was so excited! I couldn’t wait to show Abby!

Then I put on my headphones, played a little Dead Souls live circa 1994 – my favorite version and went back to Paul’s…


Look! Lights in The Sky is fully repaired! My boobs don’t look too shabby here either. Yeah…those extra five pounds – 3 of which I swear went straight to my girls - ain’t all bad!

I checked my e-mail – I went o myspace – I was shocked! Abby had posted a bulletin announcing that she was selling her FRONT ROW Vegas ticket! Was she insane!?! I sent her an IM to yell at her, but she was DONE touring, I couldn’t believe it.

I also ordered my own set of LED Poi online, since I was so in love with spinning.


So I was having a nice evening, drinking some coffee, listening to Vespertine and drawing. I was working on one of my favorite drawings, “It’s All Coming Back to You.” It’s the third version of that drawing since I started working on the whole” Riot” thing 8 years ago. That version of is, is also part of why I like Ghosts 12 so much!

I was very happy. Pagan Poetry played, I drew the playground. Frostilli came on sounding all music boxy and the darndest thing – I coulda sworn it sounded like my cell phone. Silly Forstilli. Then Aurora was playing – wait a minute – that WAS my cell phone!

Kayla! Oh god – she’s calling not texting – something must be wrong. I picked up – all I could hear was two crying girls! “What’s wrong!? “ Finally I heard -“Trent just posted something about he’s not going to tour anymore!”

“Huh?” Of course he didn’t mean that… “OK, OK, calm down now – what did he say, I’m sure everything’s fine.” I was still in work mode – so it wasn’t hitting me.

They told me exactly what he had posted. “Oh that’s just Trent being Trent, don’t worry I told them.” I calmed them down as much as I could. I told them I would needed to go back to the apartment and read it for myself and then I would call them back. At that point I was fine. I actually more wanted to finish at least playing Vespertine – the two or three songs that were left then finish the drawings. Honestly, I didn’t see what the big deal was. I drew for another minute, but I knew I couldn’t. I told them I would call back, and plus I knew I would have to see it for myself. As I packed up and walked the block or so back – I began to acknowledge that I actually was upset. The whole thing just hadn’t hit me yet because my main concern with the whole thing was to make sure Kayla and Tess were OK.


I went online – I could already feel something. I saw it for myself, and I actually seeing the thing – titled Curtain Call with THAT image, and the tone that he’d written in, I began to understand why they were upset. I was confused as hell, I didn’t know what to say to the girls. So I made a phone call. I called Lukas. I wasn’t sad yet – just confused, I explained quickly, but he was in the car – “Hold on” he said, “Jen is calling me now, I assume for the same thing, let me go get her.”

So we did the three way call we usually do – as usual they came on fighting – then I heard Jen – “Carol!” she said – only she was crying when she said it, and that’s when it all hit me like a ton of bricks! “JEN!” Now we were both crying, and now poor Lukas had two crying girls on his hands – my two crying girls were texting me – I was e-mailing them but what could I say? I was a crying girl myself.

Everyone was on the phone/texting/e-mail for well over 3 hours. The thing we kept going back to was his TONE. TR normally over getting screwed by the label was sarcastic – but this did NOT sound right. It's more then just teh DVD thing we thought. It sounded like more. "Personel Changes"? It's Alley - He must be leaving - that would mess things up. This is bigger then his DVD being fucked up by the label.

We were all really shaken by it….We were so upset. We all knew a day would come that he wouldn’t tour anymore. Most of us had lived through a five-year period of not knowing – I’d lived through two. The though of “For-seeable future” was kinda scary. We went back and forth should we do Veags? There was talk of using Abby’s front row ticket – if it was Jen and I who went, and that we would just trade off. At one point people were looking up New Zealand!

In the end I was fairly certain we’d scrapped all future show plans. In fact, the way we all ended the sad conversation was that Jen Lukas and I all agreed to go see Fleetwood Mac together in March. Earlier in the conversation when Jen asked me what I did between Fragility and With_Teeth, I’d forgotten – that’s right! Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac got me by – and they would this time as well!

I called the girls once again. We talked and I was almost feeling OK. I began to think maybe it was Trent being Trent. It was. It’s just the end of an era. I was almost over it. Just dealing with the idea of not seeing Nails in arenas, which would be sad, but it wasn’t the end.

Paul is really sweet and understanding. He’s been to shows so he understood why I was a little shaken. After the slew of phone calls, I went to the store and got some food. I cooked my usual Amy’s (contrary to popular belief – Kayla and Tess – I don’t only eat Luna bars! Sillies!) I had a nice quiet evening in with Paul and the boys playing video games.


I guess I wasn’t over it as much as I thought. I had nightmares about there not being shows. Waking up in a strange room again – where am I now? Lukas texted me & Jen at 3 am my time about it all. The text made me feel a little better but I thought that was a dream when I woke up. I wished it wasn’t when I woke up.


It wasn’t a dream – the text was real, which meant the whole thing was real. I wished then that it was all a dream. There was this impending sense of The End… I didn’t know what to do…



But of course then I did what I always do. I got up. I had coffee. I drew. If Nine Inch Nails ends tomorrow, it has given me so much as it is. I had my drawing to finish. Everything was great while I drew in Wayward. Crazy songs came on. Phil Collins – In The Air Tonight!? Of course.

Then I got the text. –From Lukas. “Call me when you get off the phone with Abby.”

But I wasn’t on the phone with Abby. Oh god – and that’s when I knew. We were doing Vegas! But I didn’t need to! I was OK and I didn’t even want to! But Abby called just seconds later. She told me I could have her ticket I just had to pay her back. Oh God Oh god, I don’t wanna do this. I’m OK –I’m OK with Portland! I’m fine with waiting for later shows I don’t have a choice!

But I called Jen. She had her heart set on going. She even said, Lukas said she should too. She’s not impulsive, but it meant so much to her to go – in reality it had all along. I had to go – if for nothing else but to be with them – so we could all do the last show together!

I made a few more phone calls – oh why do the planets align at such times for such things. Even my Mum was less upset then me!

Oh Trent, why must you post such things!?!


So we all freaked out for a bit, but there was only so long I could freak out! I had to start cooking. Abby and I were making Thanksgiving Dinner a week late for Paul that night! SO I made my cranberries whilst I played some Carmen!


It was a lovely night. I walked to Wayward to draw again.


FINALLY I got to draw all they way through Vespertine! I drew Clay on the playground, I was a happy girl. I even toyed around with the idea of finishing it for the show at my gallery the week after I got back… but then I realized – if we did end up doing Vegas – I would be too rushed, and I really didn’t want to rush that one!


So after that I went back to Paul’s and Abby and I started cooking – well after she made me go to the store, because she apparently has some issue with going into Safeway. So she had me pealing potatoes while she slept on the couch and watched TV, she was still having a rough week and I don’t blame her.


But eventually, I wasn’t peeling potatoes fast enough – I also didn’t make enough evidently…


And then I was on the phone being very bad…


OK ok, ready, ready – on the count of three, One, Two Three - * Click! * Owww!!! Jen and I both say. “Carol, my credit car was finally at zero!” she cries, “Yeah, well mine wasn’t!” Oh lord. We all woke up terrified at what we’d done later that night. Barely a week away and we’d booked a flight to Vegas. I didn’t even know it when I’d woken up that morning – but there I was booking ANOTHER flight across the country to see Nails. We were scared, but we were excited too. We were going to Vegas! We were going to see the last show after all! It felt scary, but it felt right….


Little Kid Thanksgiving Dinner was everything I dreamed it would be! The whole house smelled like Pot and Home Cooking! It was lovely!

I finally got to surprise Abby and show her how I’d learn the weave with the Sock Poi! She was really happy then she told me something about going over to her friend’s house – no – no way.

Then Paul and I made a plaster Cast – no not that kind sillies! It was of his face. All of it for the sculptures, which I will post more about soon. It was one crazy night that’s for sure!


My last full day in Seattle. If what Abby had said that night at Paul’s was true – I had some serious practicing to do! It took her forever to get to that point – and after what Matt taught me just a few nights earlier – I thought for sure I’d never be OK with doing it!

But I really wanted to try – at least once!


The house was as insane as any other we’d visited in Seattle. The view, everyone there – it was so cool. I told Abby it reminded me of the inside cover of Pearl Jam’s Vs. The whole band was sitting around this rustic home, just jamming on acoustic guitars, and that’s how cool and laid back this party was.


Abby went out into the back yard then and lit up. She was so great. Her friend and I talked about how good she was and how happy she seemed doing it. I love watching Abby spin.

And then, because Abby is so generous and awesome – and also insane! -


-She insisted I take her FULLY LIT POI!


I wish I could post the video, so you could hear me scream and laugh. She laughs too, “No!” She says, “But isn’t it like, the best noise ever!??” “It is!”

It is, fucking Roaring fire as you spin it around your head!!!


I got used to it pretty quick, and after a few seconds I wasn’t afraid.


I spun both!


And finally I worked up the nerve to do the weave! I can’t post video right now – but I put up stills….












So I had a good week. It sure wasn’t what I ever thought possible when I planned it back in the fall – but it was fucking awesome. And then I had Portland!

More soon!