More Rock Star Christmas: Die Zauberflöte

Woohoo- so the other night saw some more Rock Star/Metropolitan Opera House fun. The opera was Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Zauberflöte. The Met’s current production of Die Zauberflöte was produced by Julie Taymor. It is one of the highlights of their season – In fact, just for the Christmas and what not they are even running shorter 1-hour version - of The Magic Flute in English for the kids. Of course, Wednesday night, we all saw the three hour and ten minute version in German. I’m not a fan of Opera in English. I was super excited, it’s been a while since I’ve seen a German Opera, and I couldn’t wait to see the Taymor production.





As usual, Lincoln Center was stunning. I fell in love with the place many years ago – before I was even a Gard in fact. Before my wonderful First night at the Saturnine show – but I’m not going to talk about that now! I want to talk about Die Zauberflöte.



I’m still not sure how I feel about Singspiel. And I must say, it’s a much lighter opera then I’m accustomed to. What can I say, I’m a little punk – I like death and tragedy. I have to admit, I did miss Lucia di Lammermoor’s mad scene, I miss Elektra… but in the end, I really did enjoy it.



That Papageno was a god damn pisser. The Queen of the Night blew me away – descriptions of her arias and high Fs feel far short of how fucking awesome it is that a human voice can even do that. Truly Divine Talent.

Der Hölle Rache kocht in meinem Herzen!

And her costume was the best part of the entire show. Why did she have to go…. Couldn’t they just off Tamino? He was so useless.



And that Sarastro shit just pissed me off. Not that I consider myself all feminist or anything, but there was far too much degradation toward women in that work. “A woman needs a man beside her – or else she’ll get a big head and go astray.” – some bullshit like that. OK, and If a man, say Sarastro was to remain unmarried I guess he wouldn’t get a huge ego either. That Masonic shit is weird.



Papageno – Papagena – Papageno – Papagena!!!!



---Oh yeah, one last thing -- the drawing I've been working on - I finally finished it last night while the band, the groupies and I watched A Christmas Carol, starring fellow Rock God Patrick Stewart. So,as posmired here it is, "The Convergence of Divas"




Asanti habari habari habari!
Asanti nabana nabana nabana!!

More Rock Star Christmas Festivities.

So, because it is Christmas, a bunch of us Gards decided to go see “The Fountain” and the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree, and have cocktails. So, De Vars, Midsummer, Vision, Lost Star and his girl and I met up in New York City.

I really ought not post photos, but what the hell most of them are blurry anyways.



Lets see, Vision brought truffles. I brought a recording from Celestial’s recent “Pastoral Symphony” from out west that I posted extensively about a few moths ago. Oh yeah, and Hugh Jackman was having a problem with his dead wife.

The film goes on, lovely and dark and the big climactic moment is coming – Hugh Jackman sprouts flowers like something from an old Peter Gabriel Video – the big climactic moment comes, in what has been a very quiet, but very tense film. A hairless Hugh Jackman leaps once again, into his lotus position. It is very dramatic, the theater is still and on its edge – except, and that is for Midsummer.

I can hear her – and I am sure now that she is giggling! If I look at her – “I will lose it!!!” – I tell myself. But I blow, it, I turn around, she has the biggest grin on her face, and is on the verge of hysterical laugher – no longer can either of us contain ourselves – we both go into a hysterical giggle fit – she’s hugging me, I have my head on her shoulder, and we can’t stop laughing. Hugh Jackman – after Centuries of traversing the cosmos through his divine epic quest to save his wife from certain death – has reached the glory – Everyone in the theater is moved by this, momentous and grand finale – and Midsummer and I still cannot contain ourselves. Poor Lost Star – he loves the film, as does Vision. I’m not saying I didn’t like it, I’m not saying I did, but goddamn that was funny. Middy's such a bad influence one me.



Then we fought our way through the throngs of tourists that seem to have taken over our city for the holiday week. Good thing we have mosh pit and crowd control experience. Still I am pissy. And by the time we hit Ruby Foos…. Well let’s say after all the time Middy teased me on my refusal to drink most nights (Gard Duty) I totally drank her under the table. De Vars didn’t drink much either, but, well, she had, lets just say an interesting evening the following night, so she is excused.






And then we all went up to the tree…….













I'm ready to Jump.

Rock Star Christmas

I know what your thinking, do all those crazy pagan Satan and Celestial worshipping kids even celebrate Christmas!? Of course we do – Christmas is an everybody holiday. And in case you didn’t notice, Christmas doesn’t really have anything to do with the birth of Jesus anyway.

(And for the record, none of the Gards are officially listed as Pagan or Satanists. The only Pagan Gard was Lust. Dead was well known to have referred to himself as a Satanist, but that was back in the 80’s and those two are no longer with us.)



Over the years, the Gards have done lots of cool stuff to celebrate the holiday season. So for the next few posts, I’m going to share some of our holiday traditions with ‘yall.

As I have been teased for over the past few weeks, I have become quite the domestic groupie. I do a lot of cooking and baking around the place, and Christmas is no exception. Yesterday, I made a Ginger Bread House Metropolitan Opera House.



Now, I’m sure you are asking yourselves, “What the hell does The Metropolitan Opera House have to do with Christmas – or Rock Stars for that Matter!?!” Well, quite a bit actually. Believe it or not, New York’s famed Opera house has become quite an integral part of the Celestial history. Many years ago, When Celestial’s long awaited record “Saturnine” was to be released after a five-year hiatus – the anticipation was tangible. The whole fan base was in a tizzy – and the entire music world bit its nails and waited for Celestial to come back and “Save Rock.” The label felt it only fitting to host major event to mark the monumental occasion that would be the official release of “Saturnine”.

On December 8th 1999, the label hosted a massive concert at Lincoln Center’s acclaimed Metropolitan Opera House. Having been home to some of the world’s most gifted opera performers, the hall would now be graced by the Rock Legend Celestial. Everyone in the industry was invited. Bowie, Moby, Howard Stern, Then Entire court of MTV, Madonna, Tommy Lee, Pam, Bruce Willis – Everyone. All of Hollywood and Music Nobility had been invited. Everyone wanted to go. EVERYONE. The only fans that would be permitted were a handful of radio contest winners, and of course, the Gards.



And that my dears, is where I come in. You see, The December 8th Saturnine Show, was my first assignment as a Gard. I had just been accepted into the Celestial Army back in November, and being assigned to work that show was beyond a dream come true. I still have to look at the photos to prove to myself that it was real. That night, I had the honor of working along side two accomplished Gards, Jormungandr, and Clay – along with Crash, who had joined just a few months before I had. (Not to say Crash sucks - of course, Crash has gone on to do a many great things – but, that’s another story for another time.)

Oh I could go on and on. But there really are no words to describe such a thing, so I’ll just post some pics.


OLD drawing I did completely from memory the day after show -


The actual interior, not bad huh?

OK, So that was Saturnine, and here are some shots of me making the ginger bread house.













There you are. Now as soon as I finish my new illustration from Saturnine, I promise to post the rest of it!

Today, there are goign to be some super fun Rock Star Chrismas activities! Here's a hint Cosmos + Ice Skating! Maybe I'll post pics from that too..

The Plague

My people, (and by that, I mean the fans, and extend it to include crew, band and even Rock Star himself). But I digress. My people have a lot of random in jokes. One such joke, started as a catchy little phrase, but went on to become a very real pain in the ass.

The phenomenon became known as “The Celestial Death Flu”. This illness began to afflict concertgoers early last fall on the East Coast led of the Fall Tour. It would manifest itself in the form of a minor cold, but could evolved into severe flu like symptoms. Nearly 30% of fans returning home from shows reported some form of the illness.

The infamous long-term fan – PhotoMayhemWendy, went on to coin the term “Celestial Death Flu”, and wrote a dissertation on the epidemic, and later went on to host a formal debate on the subject in the Emerald Hall.

Now last fall most people, myself included - dismissed the illness, attributing the phenomenon to unseasonable warm weather and rapid odd fuck changes in temperature. Other potential causes were believed to have been caused by normal flu bugs that tend to circulate around that time of the year. Many believed that the densely packed, hot sweaty, gross cease pools of mosh pits could also helped to spread germs and disease. Or the other highly likely explanation, that all those factors combined were the cause of such a wide spread outbreak.

But no, where I come from, My People, we like to blame everything on Rock Star. So, despite common sense, it went on to be known as the “Celestial Death Flu”.

The Fall Tour quickly became The Winter Tour. “The Celestial Death Flu”, had not gone away, in fact it had gotten worse. Reports of the disease were now as far reaching as California and Canada. Something like 65% of fans now reported post show illness, and the symptoms were getting worse at all. Fans who once called PhotoMayehmWendy a quack were now forced to eat their own words. The Band finally called for a formal investigation.




The findings were chilling, “The Celestial Death Flu”, was very real. Strains of the viral infection were tested and found to be caused by the same evil bio entity, and it was evolving quickly. Who ever had created this bug, was now allowing it to take out fans left and right. Things finally reached fever pitch in Amherst.



The Creature known as – The Plague was first spotted crossing a field by Status Gard member, Machine Gunner. He, Machine Gunner that is, did not attempt to kill the enemy; instead, it breached security, and entered Celestial’s Bed Chamber – where it proceeded to inflict him with “The Celestial Death Flu!”



Mother Fucker! I myself took up watch around 5:30 a.m. the next morning; I too had been suffering from the Death Flu, though I would not admit it. I just told everyone it was a sinus infection. Fuck that. I wasn’t going to let a little snot or excruciating pain keep me from kicking ass and having a good time.

Celestial, however, was quite another story. The Plague hit him hard. And although he tired to play the show with an enchanted scarf, said to contain mystic healing powers, it was no use. Three shows had to be canceled. It totally sucked.


(The scarf containted threads cut from Jason's Golden Fleece.)

So, now we gotta pop antibiotics and stay in bed in the days follwoing shows. Which, given my people, pill popping, and not getting out of bed aren't exactly the most disagreable things. Especially when someone's in bed with ya - so it ain't all bad!

Rock Star Thanksgiving Pt. 2

Thanksgiving Part 2:



Here’s a few more Rock Star Thanksgiving recipes that I totally made up from various sources. It’s pretty sad, between my sewing and now my cooking – I’ve become some weird groupie version of Martha Stewart or something.

Caramel Apple Sauce


3 Granny Smith Apples
4 Red and Delicious Apples
1/2 a pack of Caramel Apple dip stuff
1 cinnamon stick
1/4 cup of dark brown sugar
Up to 1/2 cup of white sugar
1 cup of water
1/2 teaspoon of salt

Put all ingredients into a large pot. Cover. Bring to boil. Lower heat and simmer for 20-30 minutes and remove from heat. Remove cinnamon stick. Mash with potato masher. Unless you’re like stupid Rock Star and don’t own one – Resorting to a fork will suck big time, but it will work eventually. Simmer that a bit more then store it.




Broccoli, Cauliflower & Random Peas

Lots of Broccoli
Lots of Cauliflower
Peas
Pam or Faux butter
PAPRIKA!

Around 1 am the night before Thanksgiving – Put on Letterman – its Thanksgiving Tradition! He will make reference to the infamous Richard Simmons appearance – Prank Call the Butterball hotline – And he’ll have Rupert help a guest throw a turkey of the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater into a Vat of Gravy on 54th Street!!!!!!

Cut and clean all the broccoli & green beans tonight. Trust me you’ll be too tired in a few hours to be using sharp objects. Put the pre-cut veggies into Tupperware’s and into the fridge. Now tomorrow you’ll feel like Martha Stewart with pre-made ingredients!!

In the morning, after lots of coffee, and making the carrots (see below) Pam some frying pans. Simmer the green beans in a bit of water. Pam another pan – simmer the cauliflower. Ok guess what, Pam a pan, simmer the peas. Once the water is gone – Sauté the veggies. Add PAPRIKA! To each veggie then transfer all that into a big pot mix it up. Now take that put it in a Tupper ware and save it for later.


Maple Carrots

Serves 4–5
• 25 baby carrots, peeled,
• 1/4-cup water
• 2 TB maple syrup
• Dash of salt
Ground Cloves
Ground Ginger
1/4 cup of flour
1/4 cup of brown sugar

Ok, on Thanksgiving Day, get up at like 5 am. Seriously. Dude, that’s why they make coffee, Watch some Modonna concerts while you have coffee. Her butt looks great at any hour of the morning. So, once you have coffee, make carrots, it’s the easiest one to do when you’re tired. Put on some music and do the little dance from the Confessions tour. No one else is up anyway so no one will laugh.



Boil water. While the water boils, put the carrots in big bowl. Fuck what the recipe says - Dump half a thing of Maple syrup onto the carrots. Add the rest of the ingredients. The water should be boiling now – if not – Madonna goofy dance. Add the carrots let them simmer a while. Cook until most of liquid evaporates, stirring frequently, approximately 8 minutes. Keep stirring them and add more of any ingredient you feel necessary. Uncover, stir, and cook one more minute.

Whew!! By now the carrots should be done– quit screwing around with the carrots and the Madonna dance and get to the Broccoli!


Green Bean & Water Chestnuts

INGREDIENTS
2 bags of fresh green beans, trimmed
3 (8 ounce) can sliced water chestnuts, drained
2 cups of sliced fresh mushrooms
1 can of Amy’s Cream of Mushroom Soup
1/4-teaspoon pepper
1/8-teaspoon salt

DIRECTIONS

Actually, my bad. You’re gonna make this the night before when David Letterman is on. By the time you finish this and get to cutting the other stuff, Craig Fergusson will be on talking about Naughty little Dunkeys.



Pam 3 frying pans. Simmer the green beans in a wee bit of water. Do the same for the shrooms and the water chestnuts. Sauté everything a bit, then combine everything into a big pot. Now Add the can of Amy’s Soup = and make sure it’s Amys – don’t be lame and get Campbell’s! Leave that over a low heat – just make sure you don’t miss the big Turkey Drop off the Ed Sullivan Theater! It’s freakin awesome every time!